PrisonPenPals ~ Platinum Ads

E-mail: Connectnetwork.com (PADOC KN9996)

Position applied for: Part-time husband with full benefits, full-time best friend or volunteer boy toy available 140 hours per week or more, if there's room for career advancement.

Education, training and skills: Fluent in sarcasm. Proficient in oil pastels, chalk and graphite drawings. Tattoo artist and electrician with over 15 years experience. Amateur fitness trainer, moderate clerical and accounting skills, expert daydreamer, over confident cook. Novice carpenter, plumber and HVAC technician. I also am a former and first king, supreme ruler and overlord of Dutchtopia, population of 1. I ruled for 20 years with an iron fist wrapped in a velvet glove until I was invaded and eventually overthrown by 3 adolescent terrorists whose religious beliefs include the worship of technology and superiority of Gen-Z. Their sole mission in life is the total annihilation of furniture, bank accounts and self-confidence of borderline narcissistic fathers, their invasion was not regarded a credible threat until the destruction of what was once the impenetrable steel walls surrounding all hearts of each citizen of Dutchtopia.

Working history: Current executive director and president of the non-profit organization for self-work in emotional 1nt311ig3nc3, accountability and redemption. I received an honorary Doctorate from the University of misguided, lost souls. A Doctrine in weird, troubled teenology. A master's in award, emotional Archeology. And finally a bachelor's in clueless fatherdom and unconditional love principles and practices.

Before and during the Great War of Dutchtopia I was a captain in the Imperial Army and special operative whose missions included: Assassinations attempts on unguarded hearts with dozens of confirmed kills, and the influential infiltration of emotionally unavailable females. I also spent a brief period as an arrogant know- it-all and Criminal Justice Denier. I'm currently a model inmate and aspiring Entrepreneur.

Interest and Hobbies: I occasionally save animals from burning trees, self-proclaimed pop culture expert. Tone deaf croner with a habit of singing favorite songs in the same octave of a cat giving birth. Video game activist. History buff. I'm the front man for people's liberation of faces from heavy makeup and filters, prone to fits of unapologetic mouth diarrhea of factual observations. Number one item on my bucket list is to object at a friend's wedding for absolutely no reason and record the audience's reaction. Habitual inability to take most situations seriously regardless of the anger I provoke. I love to witness the embarrassment and sometimes torture of bullies, bigots and 51% of self-proclaimed geniuses that habituelly manufacture alternative facts. I enjoy constantly living in a state of organized chaos. I'm either dead silent or unable to shut up, never in between. I only hate reality shows, dirty socks and sticking to my very own plans. I’m punctual and the only times I am not early is when I'm late. I feel like I'm too old to die and if you can relate to me you're a psychopath. So let's escape the nut house together.