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“Good afternoon. My name is Jason Mills and I've been incarcerated for 31 years of a life sentence. As such, I'm genuinely appreciative for this opportunity to have my voice heard. To briefly share my story, I've been fortunate enough in recent years to have met some good people who seem to struggle bridging the person I've grown into from that horrible night all those years ago. And part of me would like to consider this a kind of compliment. For what it's worth, and for those of you who truly wish to know, I have every memory of every moment from that time in my life and even I still struggle bridging a connection to that kid. I could soften the edges any dozen ways, maybe offer theories and rationalizations, but none of it helps. Not really. My guilt is mine to carry and Lord knows I do. However, and I ask this realistically, what benefit is to be had placing that level of dark in front of myself every single day…?

There are those who feel I deserve only to live in shame and guilt and suffering for the rest of my days, but this view remains as woefully ignorant as I was back then. Because no one person's life is this singular. My great sin wasn't just my crime but also my inability to appreciate the extent in which I, personally, affected other people's lives.

The butterfly effect. I really do not have a clue, much less a working understanding, all of us are so connected. a kind of solipsism, I believe. Because now, 31 years later, I see I STILL affect other people's lives and I will continue to do so until I die.

Meaning HOW I affect others must be handled with a greater awareness and compassion and wearing that deep shame and ugly on my sleeve every single day will only hurt more and more people. I cannot allow that! Believe me when I tell you there are levels to Darkness, to anger and. shame. Levels that are a fertile breeding ground for true masochism. And the only life-line here is seeing your own power, your own influence(s) on others and understanding you cannot change the Past. The Future, however, is different. And once you can actually SEE what is good, what is light and realize that the same power to affect others can be positive… the world gets easier. Choices much more simple to make. Just this morning, right before writing this commentary to you, Imade my mother laugh so hard that she couldn’t breathe. And it felt nice. I hadn't spoken with her in two weeks and she missed me. I heard it in her tone. All of life is a choice. For me, I choose to be better than my worst mistake.”